Passing time

So....I made it through the "first year". Truthfully, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Everyone kept telling me how hard the first year is; and it was. Birthdays, holidays, everyday. But there is a part of me that is sad the first year is over. I know, that sounds horrible. But the way I see it, the more time that passes, the farther away my mom is from me. I can't ever get that back. Memories are great and all (don't misunderstand, I am very grateful that I have memories of my mom) but you can't touch them or talk to them. The last time I talked to my mom will always be father and farther away, and there is NO comfort in that.

I think this is one of those perception things and obviously, I need another way to perceive all of this. No idea what that is though....