Things I can't control

You know that point, when you're lying in bed and you are just about to fall asleep? When random events from the day are running through your head and none of it quite makes sense, but you are just about out and you really don't care? That is when images and thoughts of my mom, specifically the day she died come flooding in to my subconscious. I hate it. It's usually things that imediately make me sad and I'm no longer on that path to restful bliss. Instead, I'm left lying there with thoughts and images I can't control. Thoughts and images that break my heart all over again...listening to the last conversation that will ever be head between my brother and my mom...sitting on the floor of her hospital room listening to my Ipod...holding my mom's hand and telling her I'm not ready...they way she looked when she stopped breathing...I HATE IT.